all along i hoped and hoped just like a roller coaster ride...when its at the lowest point i feels heartbroken, that i will lose u one day...when its at the peak highest point, supposingly i should be overwhelmed but instead i was so afraid that good things never last...history repeated time and time again...
boy, u will never understand the phobia that i have been wanting to get rid of, the every precaution step that i took from my past experience...to think that u trampled on me even when i am feigning strongness...i lost to u as well as to myself...the more i want things to go well, oppostion always never failed to defy me...fate, can u for once be fair to me! through the smile hidden deep within are the sorrows that i am suppressing...all for a simple cause: wanting to dictate a happy ending with all i can...never to find out i was just living in my own dream...alas, sure enough good things come to an end...
i thought i was ok when we agreed but the moment the phone was put down, my mind went out of control...my mind went wild and i felt suffocated at that time... and today was just the first day but it seems like i am depleting my energy...from the moment i step out for work, town began to gave me the mind tearing feeling...the amount u took up my life is tremendously much that everything seems to be able to relate to u...from cathay-wisma, botanic garden-chili and the happening clubs suddenly become black and white now...worst part was when it comes to night; no more talks which means that i dont hear from u anymore...all these accumulating heart stabs makes a mental breakdown...and the hell of it isnt here yet for once i know-weekends! to think no more enjoyment of movies and dinner with one to one chilling by the bars or a nice stroll aimlessly seems so out of reach...the weekends may be simple but significant than anything else to me and it was once a motivation for the surving weekdays...all these absence of u and things from my life is making me so lifeless...i know i shouldnt behave this way but how can i control, how can i withdraw my feelings and how can i move on...i am hanging on a thin line, in pain and afraid that it would break anytime...dont be on top just watching me fall; give me a hand would u??
ps*** i hate to be alone, i hate the silent night that isolate us
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